Last month I felt failure.  Luke was diagnosed with an ear infection, a sinus infection, and—as if that wasn’t enough—pneumonia.  I know now that I didn’t fail.  But I felt like I had.  We are hard on ourselves at times.  It’s normal.  My story touched some of you and it turned out to be therapeutic for me.  I hope that in sharing my lessons I can also help you. 

After allowing feelings of judgment, fear, and guilt flow through me I was able to break it down. I felt failure coming at me from two sides, as mother and a healer.  I thought: Why didn’t I hear my intuition tell me he needed medical attention?  Now I know: My intuition kicked in telling me he needed medical attention.  I thought: Why weren’t my healing energy and remedies working?  Now I know: The healing and remedies supported him in what was a terrible infection.  I thought: Maybe I am not as connected to spirit as I thought.  Now I know: Spirit guided me to help him best I could and to infuse love into the entire situation and his body.  He had a bacterial infection that was stronger than what my remedies and healing could handle…it happens, even to us.  I also know my ego got in the way and left me bruised.  I am not going to tell you there was a great reason for all of this and now I am enlightened and it was all meant to be.  I haven’t figured it all out yet.  But to back up, I judged myself harshly, and I wouldn’t wish for you to do the same to yourself.  And also, looking back on it all, there is a flip side. 

I am not so self-righteous anymore and that’s a biggy.   

Antibiotics entered our house and my boy’s body (read on, we all took them).  That hasn’t happened since he was a baby.  That is success!  So many years without a trip to the doctor’s office is incredible.  But why did it feel like failure? Is it because I had to resort to western medicine?  I am devoted to the natural path.  I don’t want our systems messed up by intruders.  From my background, when we require antibiotics it means we likely have some toxicity in our systems.  If your body is clean, infections do not go deep and we clear them easily.  Sickness can still occur, but it’s mild and self-limiting.  There are two things at play here.  My healing was helping: but in this situation, it wasn’t enough.  I see now that there are illnesses that require intervention beyond natural means, even in my family!  So both healer and mother were battling their mighty egos firsthand.  My weapons were sparse; I let my ego beat me up, like I deserved it.  Adding to the feelings of failure was having to ask for help.  I don’t like to ask for help, especially from people who may question what I do and may not agree with my natural approach. 

But to continue on with the rest of the story.  Mountain Man couldn’t shake his cough, Claire started to get painful headaches in her forehead, and I felt something slip deep down into my chest that I knew was foreign.  I heard a whisper in my head that said “this is different and it’s kind of scaring me and for the love of god quit swallowing razor blades.”  A chorus of coughing and nose blowing circulated throughout our sweet home.  All this and we were leaving on a plane the next day to ski in Whistler.  You know what I did? I got us all to the doctor and we secured a family-sized prescription of antibiotics.  It was so foreign; I haven’t had them in 20+ years.  They made me feel terrible.  But within 24 hours the coughing settled down and we were all sleeping like babes. Within 48 hours, with the help of some friendship love + mountain healing energy, we were on the slopes enjoying the sunny snowy grandeur of the Whistler Mountains!  

Amazingly, we have drugs to repair damage, to heal internal wounds, to bring back life.  And for that, I am grateful. Now I understand firsthand that there are bugs bigger than my ego.  We took the drugs, got upset stomachs, drank fluids, slept, and healed.  But we still took the remedies; the remedies support the antibiotics.  Unda numbers, a probiotic, and vitamins.  The remedies will support the job of the antibiotics, encouraging drainage through the mucous membranes, kidneys, and bowels.  The remedies will ensure our flora isn’t entirely screwed up.  Because the antibiotics kill both good and bad bacteria, we want to put some good back in.  This helps with overall health and immunity.   Unda 2 will help to redirect the expulsion from the lungs to the kidneys.  It’s kinder there.  Now we retreat and regroup.  I have my work cut out for me, and sorry for you, Luke, the sugar Police are back. 

I didn’t fail.  Step aside ego, if you so kindly would: I’ve got this.  I secured love, healing, and medicine and applied them liberally.  Thank you, my friends and readers, for your kind words.  You really helped me through the ego smack-down. We are all feeling much better.  I no longer see antibiotics as the enemy.  It sucks to get so sick that you need them; but hey, they play a vital role in the world we live in.  It’s okay to take them if you need them.  They really help! (But if you are taking antibiotics every year you probably need to do some clean-up of the mind, body, and spirit.  There’s some toxicity in there that is preventing you from fighting off infection on your own.) It’s also okay to ask for help and to be human.  

My way is not the only way. 

It was hard to ask for help, and in this case it was from an allopathic doctor.  But by sharing my feelings openly, and allowing for my very humanness, I got so much help from everyone. I didn’t expect that result. . . and it was beautiful. 

There are many ways to solve a problem, and I have learned that the best way is with love and no judgment.  I didn’t fail.  I learned humility, experienced beautiful rewards for honesty, and learned that sharing my feelings sometimes equates to asking for help.  You get back what you need when people see and feel the love…even when you don’t realize that you’re asking.

I would love to hear in the comments about a change in viewpoint you may have experienced.  Have you seen the other side of failure?

Love and light,



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